Back To Black

Yes, I've done it. I've painted my nails black. But don't worry, I'm not trying to repress any feelings. The absence of colour is just as significant as the presence of it.

So what does black signify? Rage. I've felt so much anger the past few days, and I didn't have any other way to express it. All I could do was paint my nails a thick, flat, powerful, unyielding black. That's the colour of my wrath.

But I didn't leave my nails just black, because my fury dissipated immediately. Which was what I was hoping for, actually. I felt so relieved that I didn't even bother taking a picture of my plain black nails for this blog. They looked so boring, you wouldn't want to see them, anyway.

As you have already seen, I added red glitter to my nails. Red is for desperation. That's the other thing I've been feeling lately. And all my life. It glows among all the dark thoughts.

I didn't file my nails to shape them before painting them. I didn't bother to cover my nails fully with polish or try to be neat near the cuticles. I slathered my top coat onto them sloppily and let the polish shrink and chip at the edges. I got them scuffed while scrubbing cats' dishes  at the SPCA. They look dull and damaged and disregarded, which is how I'm feeling right now.

The feeling is passing, though. Come back to see how I feel next.

Cosmic

Cosmic

I have a fear of sleep and lately that has led to the development of a fear of night time. So I did this in an attempt to remind myself that I'm a tiny thing in the gigantic universe, and that if I didn't live a place with so many lights at night, I could see proof of that in the sky. So night time isn't scary, it's starry and fascinating and fun!

Of course, this didn't drive my fear away. It's pretty, though, isn't it? You can't really see it on the blue base, but I used both silver and gold glitters. And glitter polish holds everything together so there was very little chipping at the tips and cuticles. I could have left this on until the weekend, but I was given something today that gave me inspiration! I love being inspired.

So now my nails are different. The next post will be soon. :)

bavani's colours

I've always found beauty in colours. It's what I love most about nature, and wildlife and all that. Bright flowers in green trees. Light from the sun captured in water in the sky, forming rainbows. Black stripes dark against the brilliant orange stripes of tigers. Iridescent wings of huge, scary black insects. Clear rain water mixing with sandy soil to make chocolate-brown mud. Shiny gray dolphins jumping out of deep blue seas. White-blue Husky eyes. The contrast of the pure white and stark black of my cat's fur, and the clear, sharp yellow of his eyes. The same colours on mynas - yellow beaks, black bodies and white wing tips. The thick, rich red of blood that rushes through all of us.

These things are why I love colours. Colours make me feel calm. That's why I always paint my nails. People think it's because I'm insecure about my naked nails, but no. It's to remind myself of things that make me happy. When something upsets me, I can look at my nails and feel composed. When I look at my nails, there's nothing but my cat's eyes or a flower in a tree or the blood that's pumped through my lungs. Everything else fades. Nothing can make me unhappy when my heart still pumps blood and flowers still bloom and my cat still looks at me with love. I don't paint my nails to hide myself from the world. I do it to hide the upsetting things in the world from myself. The more troubled I am, the more colours I put on my nails.

I feel in colours too. I don't know it when I'm feeling them, but when I think back about times when I experienced strong emotions, everything's tinted a certain colour. Every emotion in every situation has a unique colour. Painting that colour on my nails or my eyelids is a way of releasing the emotion.

I hope you didn't expect this blog to be light-hearted fun, with manicures and makeup tips. Nothing about me is light-hearted. My heart is very heavy.

Here are some of my best expressions:

 Black Cat With Yellow Eyes

 White Cat With Blue Eyes

 Day And Night

 Patriotism

 Orange Juice, Blueberries And Chocolate

 Rainy Sky Over Trees

 Melted M&Ms

 Bird Park

 Warm Side Of The Rainbow

 Mad Hatter

 Citrus

 Chinese New Year! One of my favourites.

 Claws

Empty Blue Sky

Look forward to a lot more pictures.